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I Am Cool Now Posts

I Can't Get Enough!

Hello there blog!

On Saturday, I learned about Stop Motion video shorts. They are so cool! Stop Motion video shorts are when you use a series of photos to make up a video. It’s really time consuming, but the result is super fun! So then blog, guess what I stayed up Saturday night doing? If you guessed, “Not post in your trusty blog,” you guessed right. Well done. What sass you have, blog! Get over it. Your bitterness is unbecoming, blog, unbecoming.

No more suspense! I also made a Stop Motion short! I’m so proud of it! In honor of the boyfriend and my two year anniversary, I bring you this.

Before you see it, though, I should explain an inside joke. On a road trip we went on, there was a Decemberists song playing on the radio. He listened and said, poignantly, “This is the Decemberists,” and then after a thoughtful pause, he said, even more poignantly, “I like….”

I leaned in in eager anticipation of the golden words he would choose to follow up his “I like…” and eventually realized he was done thinking. Noun + “I like.” soon became our little inside joke.

Alright, now that you know the premise, take a look!

Here is a link to a QuickTime version.

2 Year Anniversary Stop Motion

Here is the youtube post:

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I Wear Prada (Sort of. Not really. Not even a little. Sometimes I wear Payless.)

On Sunday, I made one small leap for me, one giant leap for fashion-kind.

Blog, I have discovered, yes, discovered, a whole new layering approach that will revolutionize how awesome I look when I go out.

First, I took a halter dress.  It can be patterned. It just so happened that I had the perfect black and white halter dress.  For those of you that are not in-the-know, a halter dress is a dress that has straps that go around the neck, instead of over each shoulder.

Then, blog, this is where it gets good, I put a single colored, snug, assymetrical shirt on TOP of the halter dress.  So, over one shoulder, you could see the design of the halter dress and a shoulder.  Over the other shoulder you just see the shirt.

This fashion discovery is brilliant for many reasons.  First, most days it is too chilly for just a halter dress. It usually has to be over 80 degress for a halter dress to accommodate the halter-dress-wearer’s warmth needs.  But a shirt + halter accomodates 72-90 degree weather comfort. Second, it’s almost like an entirely new outfit!  You’ve essentially turned your dress into a skirt and created a whole new top for the pattern.  Third, depending on the halter dress, you can dress it down or up with this slick approach.  So let’s say you’re going on a date and you’re not sure if it’s casual or classy, you can simply remove or leave the assymetrical shirt as you feel appropriate.

I was so excited about my discovery that I wore the ensemble Sunday, and I plan to wear the same outfit again Thursday night and Friday night!  Disgusting? Not if you’ve seen how awesome the combination looks!

You’re welcome, society. You’re welcome.

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Teenie Bopper?

Blog, terrible news. Today we launched a class project, Mannerisms, and my peers seemed to receive it well. That’s not the terrible news part.

The terrible news is that they thought the site was an exercise in satire!   So while I was putting Kelly Clarkson’s latest masterpiece up on the site, heralding it as a socially transformative, invigorating new song, my peers applauded the group on our humorously accurate parody of a teenie bopper web site.

Then they proceeded to compliment us on our outrageously tacky photo selection for Moment of the Week, again citing our clever grasp of the things that would appeal to the most shallow, under-developed of females.   At that point I grew defensive and gathered all of my mental faculties to craft my pointed response: “Um, it’s just a really sweet moment…”   My colleagues-in-learning stared at me.  So I continued, “But yes, I’m glad the satire was not lost on you. Whew.  That was…one of our concerns…that people wouldn’t see…that it was designed as a farce.”

I died a little inside today, blog.  (Not really.)

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Choo-choo!

Blog hello!

I’m sitting in the quiet car on a train, and it was a complete mistake.  I did not intend to sit in the quiet car. I did intend to chat on my phone and chew on chips and blast my itunes while humming along, so as you can imagine, this poor car selection is not going well for me.

It is going even worse for the other passengers who clearly did not know what car they were sitting in.  I’ve seen two people chastised for their cell phone usage.  It’s fun to watch.  To chastise someone for cell phone use, you tap the person on the phone on the shoulder, and then you point to the sign for Quiet Car.  You have to point repeatedly and emphatically, because otherwise, the person you are tapping on the shoulder will think you are saluting with your index finger.  You have to point, withdraw, point, withdraw and mouth, “QUIET CAR!”  It’s the only way they will understand.  It’s the only way.

I would move to another car, but the train is full, and I also threw away my ticket stub by accident. The one time I throw away something before waiting three weeks, and everything falls apart.  What are the odds?

Blog, the older gentleman sitting across from me is drinking a beer. He put his beer on the table, and I must have gone into a daze while staring at the beer, because when I snapped out of it, he was glaring at me, and he snatched his beer off the table and held it by his side.  Did he think I was staring intently at the beer because I was going to take it?  Probably. He probably thinks that’s my “taking beer from strangers” strategy.
Step 1: Stare intently at beer
Step 2: Take beer
I should have taken the beer. It would have been kind of hilarious. And then when he started yelling about how I have taken his beer, I could point, emphatically, at the Quiet Car sign.  Maybe I would “shh” him for good measure.  Then I would drink the beer.

Speaking of alcohol, I bought some kosher wine today.  I specifically requested two bottles of their finest kosher wine.  Then, after I scrutinized the ingredients on the bottles, I went up to the counter to make my purchase, and they asked me for my id.   How many kids under 21 walk into a liquor store and choose kosher wine as their party alcohol of choice?   Additionally, that’s an interesting prioritization of law abiding practices.

Oooh, blog, the woman diagonal from just pulled out her Macbook.  We did our nod, acknowledging we’re both hip.  We know what’s up.  Blog, were you aware? I am a Mac.  I bought one  a couple years ago because I thought it was the cool thing to do.  Much like all my other efforts towards being cool, I was correct.  The Mac has been fundamental in all of my discussions with hipsters and artists.  “Yeah, I have a Mac, no big deal,” I say, upon first meeting people.   It’s my fourth popular lead-in to making friends.  Sometimes, it is wildly successful.  Other times, not so much.

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How to annoy people and alienate judges

Ugh, blog, something bad happened yesterday.

It took me weeks to complete an important application and only minutes to undermine the character of the intelligent, conscientious person I worked so hard to present in the personal statement.

Here’s how it went.   I applied for a program, and the program asked for several materials, including a recommendation letter, some photos, a personal statement, and a registration fee.   I arrived at the office to turn in the application and asked the person listed as a contact person to review my application to make sure I had all the materials. We went through the portions in my application.

I said, “Here are the passport photos.”

She said, “Okay perfect, this is what I need. Just fill out the credit card authorization form and you’re all set.”

I stared. “Um, the photos are U.S. passport size, I didn’t know what to do, because they only print 2 x 2.”

She stared, “Right, I need 2×2.”

“Well, the application asks for 4.5cm x 3.5 cm.” I said, pointedly.

“These are the size I’ll need.” She responded, more pointedly.

“Okay great,” I replied.

Then I said, “I didn’t put a transcript, because it looks like they only wanted transcripts for undergraduates.”

She said, “I need a sealed transcript.”

I said, “Well, oh, um.”

She said, “You can bring it Monday.”

I said, “But it’s due today.”  I have no idea why I said that. Who says that after someone says you can bring it in Monday?

She said, “Right, but if you’re missing one piece, that’s fine. I’m not going to reject an application for that.”

At this point I think about pointing to the line that says, “We will not process incomplete applications,” but I restrain myself.

Then she says, “It’s pretty easy to get a transcript – you just pick it up from the registrar.”

I said, “Okay great, they give you one right away? Do they require a sealed one?”

She replied, “Yes, it MUST be sealed.”

So I said, “Okay.”

And I was off, running to the registrar, to get me a sealed transcript.

When I got to the registrar’s office, I asked for two sealed transcripts.

And then, I was off, running back to the administrative office, to get her my sealed transcript.

I got to the office, huffing and puffing, and I handed her one sealed transcript.

She then proceeded to tear it open in front of me.

I was taken aback.  I said, “Uh, now that you’ve opened that transcript, would you like a sealed one?”

She stared at me, like I was a dumba$$.  “No, this is fine.”

It then occurred to me that she was the one reviewing the application.  She wasn’t the person packaging the applications to send them to the people abroad. She was the decision maker! I was pestering the decision maker!

So anyway, on my part, I suspect…FAIL.

Epilogue:

I sent her an email after the whole in-person exchange. I told her I found some place on the internet that says I was supposed to include a copy of my insurance card too.   She didn’t write back.

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The Sandwich

Blog, I just ate the most delicious sandwich.  It had sour cream, tomato, pepper jack, brie, pastrami, all bunched between a fresh challah dinner roll.  Encroyable.

I knew, even before I took my first bite, that it would be a delicious sandwich.

While I was gathering the materials for the sandwich, I suspected I was going to be making a good sandwich.  But as the pieces started to come together, it became progressively more apparent to me what a treat I was creating for myself.  Soon, my suspicions turned to absolute awareness.  The first bite affirmed all of my previous thoughts.

I realized that everything in my life had been leading up to this moment, with this sandwich, in my hands.

GLORY! I thought, as I chewed the second bite.

I LOVE CHEESE! I mentally declared diving into the third bite.

Tomato. A wise decision.  I congratulated myself on bite number four.

Now. The sandwich is gone.
I don’t really know what to do.

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Overcoming Obstacles

Today I did not have my cell phone.  And in an inspiring story of overcoming defeat when faced with an unanticipated obstacle, I brilliantly conquered my dependency on my cell phone.

That’s right, blog, today I figured out how to tell time using the analog clock on the wall instead.  (Drum and cymbals.)

Let me tell you what happened today.

The day started out like any other day, with me rushing out the door with my work bag and my lunch bag and my purse… or so I thought.  (Cue dramatic music.)

Little did I know, I had forgotten my purse.  (Raise volume of dramatic music and then bring dramatic music to abrupt stop.)

(Silence.)

(More silence.)

(Look around.)

I didn’t know what to do blog. While I was driving, I glanced over to my regular purse spot, and I thought, “I, uh, guess I forgot my purse.”

Then I thought, “Man. I put my cell phone in my purse.”

(More looking around, some frowning.)

“My wallet is in my purse. I have no money.”

(Brainstorming.)

“If I want to buy something today, I must flirt my way into receiving it for free.”

(Rationalizing.)

“That probably won’t work. On to plan B – no spending money today.”

(More frowning.)

“My driver’s license is in my purse.  If I get pulled over, I will have nothing to show the officer.”

(Concern.)

“Maybe I can say, ‘Officer, I left my purse at home. But I have a driver’s license.  So today, I am driving with a license, figuratively.  Most days, I am driving with a license, literally.’  The officer will be understanding.”

(Frowning.)

“Or maybe the officer will say, ‘Today you are driving, illegaly.’”

“Focus on your driving. It’s best to not get pulled over today. Drive carefully.”

(Focused driving.)

When I arrived at work, I was too busy to care about all of my important cards left behind in my wallet.  My mind wandered throughout the day, and I soon started to realize the implications of not having my purse.

For example, around 2:30pm, I got a craving for a hot dog. I thought, “I want to buy a hot dog. I will buy a package from the store and heat one up. It will be made of beef. Maybe I will buy relish.”

Then I remembered I didn’t have money, so I moved on to plan B – no hot dog.

Around 6pm I thought about checking the battery life on my phone to see if I would have to charge it on the way to class.  Then I remembered I didn’t have a phone, so I moved on to plan B – do not check battery life on phone.

When I was driving to class, I thought about playing music loudly and weaving in and out of traffic, all the while honking my horn.  Then I remembered that was crazy.

Anyway blog, I’m pleased to report this story has a happy ending. I’m home now, reunited with my purse, my phone, and my wallet.

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Okay!

Psssst. Blog. Are you awake? I am awake!

Blog I love Ingrid Michaelson’s music. I recently discovered her this winter season, and I want to listen to her all day long.

I just ventured over to her blog and read this entry. It made me feel less alone to know that there’s someone else out there that shares my dreams.

http://ingridmichaelson.tumblr.com/post/75942913/world-nutella-day

Blog, here is one of her songs. It’s called Be Okay. Enjoy.

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New Year, New Us, Blog

Hello Blog!

I’m back. I was gone for a while, and I owe you an explanation.  Are you ready? Here it is: I uh…I….uh.

I thought about you blog, I did, and I crafted some entries, blog. They were compelling. One entry was about burgers; one entry was about the New Year and my plans to blog all day, every day. That’s about it.  I never got around to actually publishing those two. I don’t even know where I saved the latter.

Actually, blog, maybe the entries weren’t good enough. Maybe I hold the entries I place in you to such high standards that I refuse, absolutely refuse, to post words that don’t invoke the kindness of the human spirit and stir feelings of emotional strength, while at the same time subtly recalling the works of William Shakespeare, Michael Crichton and Elizabeth Bishop.

Oooh, yeah. I like that explanation better.

Blog. Tormented by the standard set by all previous entries, I could not bring myself to post anything that was less than inspiring on you. Struggling between the capacity for greatness that I have effortlessly achieved in every other entry and a state of several-levels-above-mediocrity-but-still-not-positively-divine-like-the-usual-entries, I opted for silence.

I feel a lot better now that I have explained the truth behind my absence, blog. I’ve lifted the veil of dishonesty to reveal my true feelings about why I do and do not post in you.  If you forgive me for not posting, I will forgive you for imposing such mental pressure to succeed on me.

Anyway! Hi Blog! I’m back! I’m going to post in you all the time! For realsies this time! I mean it, this year.   It’s you and me, kiddo.

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New Hire?

We don’t have a receptionist in our office, and I sit close to the entrance. So, when the doorbell rings, sometimes I pop up and answer the door. When other people nearby are bored, they get the door first. It’s usually a mail person or a co-worker who has forgotten their key card. Opening the door is generally just a wonderful excuse to move from the office chair.

But today, I popped up to answer the door, and it was someone who was interviewing for a position. I deduced she was interviewing (and not a client) from her smart outfit and shy hesitation. I opened the door, and she said, “Hello, I’m Anna. I’m here to see Bill.”

I planned my words carefully and then spoke, “Hello Anna, I’m not the receptionist.”

She looked at me, a little shocked. Did she think I was the receptionist? She probably did. It’s a good thing I cleared up any confusion that may have ensued from there had she gone on assuming I was the receptionist. Good move, me.

I continued, “So I don’t really know what to do with you. I don’t know if I should take you back to him, or if I should leave you here. Hmmm. I’ll go check. Please take a seat in the corner. Don’t worry,” I assured her, “I’ll come back to let you know what I hear.”

Bill was on the phone when I got to his door, so I whispered, “Anna’s here.”

He said, while on the phone, “Great, I’ll go see her.”  Then to his counterpart on the phone: “I gotta go my interview is here.”  This last statement reaffirmed my earlier suspicions. I returned and informed Anna of his impending arrival. Great re-cap, eh blog?  I hope they hire her!

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