Setting: New Balance Shoes Headquarters, Board room
President: So, give me an update on our sales. How are we doing?
(everyone looks around uncomfortably)
VP of Public Affairs: Well sir, we are now…officially the shoe brand of white people.
President: White people!? That’s wonderful! Certainly a healthy chunk of the population.
VP of Public Affairs: It’s a chunk of the population, yes.
President: Good point buddy, not all white people are athletic and healthy. But some are!
VP of Public Affairs: Yes, sir, I’m glad you feel that way.
President: What is the plan now? Will other races appropriate white culture and wear New Balance shoes too?
VP of Public Affairs: (perks up)
VP of Marketing: That’s not the direction style goes, ever.
President: What, why not? Aren’t we the preferred shoe brand of all white people?
VP of Marketing: We are the official shoe brand of some white people.
President: That is not what the other guy said.
VP of Marketing: Some white people love us. And some white people set our shoes on fire in small trash bins.
President: For warmth?
VP of Marketing: No. These are small trash bins, sir. I suspect these people have central air for warmth. They have the type of money where they can buy small trash bins for one time shoe-burning use.
VP of Public Affairs: (crawls under desk)
President: (eyes narrow) …which white people love us?
VP of Public Affairs: (whimpers) …the scary ones.
VP of Marketing: To be clear sir, the scary ones are NOT the ones that burn the shoes.
VP of Public Affairs: (whimpers) They’ll kill us all.
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