Skip to content →

Category: Thoughtful Reflection

General Update: Fitness and the Future

Published February 1, 2017 by Editor in Chief

A few important things have happened in the last hour:

  1. I purchased a new FitBit using credit card reward points.
    Context: I was an early adopter of the original FitBit, but after a while it became a burden because I had to charge it all the time. Also the early FitBit did not display the time, only dots. So it always appeared as those I was wearing a watch, when in fact I was wearing a step-tracker. When people would stop me and politely ask for the time, I had to tell them I did not know the time. They would look at my FitBit, decide it was a watch, and fancy me either super lazy or rude for not telling them the time. Upon seeing the movement of their eyes, I would have to explain, “This doesn’t tell me the time. It just tracks my steps. I’m at four dots.” This explanation solved nothing.
    The new FitBit I ordered shows the time. Progress.
  2. I fit into some pair of size 2 jeans. Sort of. I’m wearing them right now and want to take them off because they are tight and my belly is hanging out, and I hate jeans. WHAT IS THE POINT OF JEANS?
  3. I’m thinking all this talk about building bunkers is very interesting.
Leave a Comment

Writing Reviews

Published January 9, 2017 by Editor in Chief

I’m terrible at writing reviews, but does that stop me from writing them? Absolutely not. I Love Writing Reviews.

I select Excellent in anything I experienced, leave the things that didn’t apply to me blank, and then name names for the people who crossed my path and did right by me. These are quick. Everyone gets A marks in my books.

“But what if the place wasn’t awesome?” you might ask.

 

I give them excellent marks too! That’s why I’m terrible at reviews.

And that’s just some insight into how I operate.

Will I change my ways? No. Do I know what I’m doing is wrong? Eh, not really. Would I believe my own reviews and use them to make decisions? No, absolutely not.

Wait, no, there’s one exception. My movie reviews are pretty spot on.

Leave a Comment

On Baby Making for Real

Published January 7, 2017 by Editor in Chief

I talk a big game, but not talking about baby-making is a New Year resolution that I never planned to keep. In fact, in full disclosure, I didn’t even say what I wrote in that post. Those were David’s words/hopes for us this year.

I’m super interested in baby-making with David. I’ve learned a few things over the past year that I shall impart to you:

  1. When we originally decided it was time to create progeny, I went to see a lady doctor for a check-up and some advice. “Have intercourse every other day, between periods,” was her advice. That was her advice. FOR REAL. “You don’t need to have it every day. That’s too much,” she explained.
    “Whew, yeah, because every day would be really difficult,” I said, as though every other day was really easy for us, a married couple in their 30s.
  2. I started tracking our love-making and keeping notes. I made charts. My charts demonstrated that tracking love-making has an inverse relationship with David’s interest in love-making. See below.
  3. Some motivation approaches are no good. Desperately crying, “Put a baby in me, David!” made him erect precisely 0% percent of the time.
  4. I went to a different lady doctor, because lady doctor number 1 went to volunteer in Africa. This is the second time I’ve had a healthcare provider selfishly abandon me for this reason. Anyway, lady doctor number 2 told me about ovulation strips. These are strips you pee on, and when you are ovulating, they show a little line, and that’s prime time to make love.
    “You mean, we don’t have to have intercourse every other day?” I asked.
    She looked at me like I was crazy. I thought, “This is the lady doctor for me.”
  5. I bought the cheapest ovulation strips I could find. For some reason, the strips I originally bought showed that I was ovulating for six days straight! David was disappointed when he learned that the strips were defective. He wasn’t disappointed that we hadn’t made a baby, to be clear. He was disappointed that I bought cheap strips, which is fair.

The following month, we were ready to go with new strips, but then the election happened, and up is down and the world is a chaotic void that we feel guilty bringing a baby into.

genetic-legacy-chart

Leave a Comment

We Are Making Progress After All

Published January 2, 2017 by Editor in Chief

Sometimes I lament the lack of overall progress in innovation we have made; for example, when people tell me Snapchat is the greatest invention of our time.

However, today, I was nearing the end of a bag of Utz Sour Cream and Onion potato chips, and I was impressed to find several large potato chips, fully intact. This would have never happened in the 90s.

This Utz chip thinks it’s Pringles:

Chip at bottom of bag. Incredible.
Chip at bottom of bag. NOT broken.

 

Leave a Comment

Baby Making

Published December 26, 2016 by Editor in Chief

The first rule of baby making is to not talk about baby making.

Leave a Comment

Vocabulary: This Fall’s Words

Published September 27, 2016 by Editor in Chief

The following words are going to be staples in my vocabulary this fall:

Garish

Majestic

Precipice

I will seize every opportunity to use these words.

 

One Comment

Catch-up

Published September 19, 2016 by Editor in Chief

My recent posts have been abysmal. This is not my fault. Just kidding, obviously it is.

Well it’s late September, and a lot has happened since the last online posting: I’ve done more stand-up, written more sketches, and practiced more tennis. I was also a groomsman in a wedding. I took this role really seriously, as I do any time I am appointed to stand by my friend’s side as a trusted friend to see them off into a lifetime of happiness. The ceremony was beautiful, and the bride and groom looked stunning. The speeches were also spectacular, and I captured them all on video. The only problem is that I’m not good at capturing video, so the quality of video is very poor.

Weddings are always a great opportunity to practice meeting new people. During the rehearsal dinner, I spoke with a lovely young woman and her husband rather extensively. We spoke about their custom wedding ring, the meal, how long they had been married, and shared compliments about the bride the groom. I was so pleased to have had a successful social encounter with new people.

The next day, I spoke with this woman again, and we talked about how great the wedding was. I also commented that the rehearsal dinner was top-notch as well, and she shared that she could not remember anything from the rehearsal dinner, because she was a high functioning narcoleptic. So even though she might have seemed awake, she was fast asleep for the entire event. I said, “Oh, but we had an extensive conversation yesterday!” and she said, “Did we?! I don’t remember any of it!” and laughed.

 

Leave a Comment

Where I am in life

Published August 13, 2016 by Editor in Chief

I’m at this odd point in my life where I like getting my hand stamped at bars, so people know I’m cool and I frequent places where people under 21 try to go, but are restricted.

But I also can’t leave the stamp on my hand, because my friends with kids won’t let me hold their babies if they suspect I’m bad at washing my hands.

hand-stamped

 

Leave a Comment

Re-tracing my steps

Published August 13, 2016 by Editor in Chief

When David goes out of town, I like to buy everything on our joint credit card, so he can re-trace my steps if anything should happen to me.

Today he called and asked, “Did you really go to Pinkberry four times yesterday?”

And I was like, “Are you judging me…. or confirming our credit card wasn’t stolen?”

Leave a Comment

Dungeons and Dragons

Published August 2, 2016 by Editor in Chief

I have joined a team of people to play Dungeons and Dragons, and there’s a 172 page manual you’re supposed to review beforehand.

Before the meeting, our Dungeon Master said we didn’t have to read it, but when I arrived at the first meeting where we declare our characters, class and race, it was instantly clear to me that everyone had done significant preparation work.

“That will be useful against the Drow,” said the Dungeon master, in response to one player’s suggestion. Everyone nodded as though that meant something to them.

 

Anyway, you’re probably wondering what I have selected for my character. Let me tell you: I’m a Barbarian High Elf. As a Barbarian, I’m not sure if I will select Path of the Ki Warrior or Path of the Shaman. “Why not Path of the Healer?” you ask. Well, good question. I think for the most part, it would be misguided of me to take on a role in the medicine space. What if I could not save my friends? I’d be devastated and unable to continue playing the game. The burden would be too much.

You’re probably also thinking, “A High Elf? You are the most grounded, open-minded writer I’ve ever read! You’re not one to look down on others!” Sure sure, this is a role play exercise though, so I thought I would dabble in superiority for a while. I suspect putting on airs might suit me just fine.

One Comment