Category: Thoughtful Reflection

World Series Game 7

Published October 29, 2011 by Editor in Chief

Are you watching the World Series right now? Surely you are! I am watching it too. Here is the Win Probability Graph for the game:

Source: FanGraphs

Whichever team the line is higher on is the team with the greater probability of winning, based on the game events that have transpired. The graph updates in real time. So, if you read this after the game, you will see who won the game. If you are viewing the graph now, you will suspect the Cardinals are going to win the World Series. Having these win probability graphs is interesting. It’s like turning on your navigator to get your estimated arrival time to a location you know the route to.

Leave a Comment

After Hours

Published October 24, 2011 by Editor in Chief

In my youth, I would listen to Glen Hollis wax poetic about love and then select a choice tune to reflect the staggering loneliness, passion, or regret his caller had just confided to him about. I loved to listen to the program, and because I was a teenager, I judged people for being so woefully tragic. “You miss your husband, who is spending every night working late with his secretary, huh?” I would snicker, and continue, “You may not be wise to what is going on, but I am. I’ve watched enough Lifetime specials to know what is up. And it is not your husband’s work ethic. It’s something else. Something that might make you angry. I mean I don’t know. Maybe he is working hard. Why do I assume the worst? Glen, Glen why don’t I believe in love? Forget this caller! What song will cure my jaded, lonely heart?! Will my next sixteen years be as romantically dull as my first sixteen?! GLEN!?”

Those fun times are behind me, and Glen no longer hosts the after hours radio program. Now, there is Delilah, a female, syndicated version of Glen Hollis. Delilah shares his empathetic tone and affinity for soft rock, but there is something slightly different about her. I couldn’t put my finger on it until tonight, when I heard the following:

Female caller: Hello! I just wanted to call in. I feel so lucky to have a wonderful family, and two wonderful children.
Delilah: Do you feel lucky, or blessed?
Me (I’m always part of the conversation): Pop quiz, hot shot! Lucky or blessed?
Female caller: Um?
Delilah: Do you feel lucky, or blessed to have two wonderful children?
Female caller: Well, at first I could not have children, but now I have two. So that is lucky.
Delilah: If you could not have children before, but now you have them, that is God’s work.
Me: Perhaps with some luck thrown in from the adoption agency.
Female caller: Uh
Me: Obviously you got the answer wrong, dummy. Methinks this call did not go as you expected it would.
Delilah: (cutting her off) I know just the song for you, and I am going to play it, for your blessed good fortune.

And then Steve Winwood’s Higher Love started to play. I’m sure it was a toss up between that and Madonna’s Like a Prayer.

Leave a Comment

An Unflattering Portrait

Published October 13, 2011 by Editor in Chief

As you may have heard, U.S. intelligence has uncovered a potential attack on the Saudi ambassador to America. Mansour Arbabsiar stands accused of soliciting a Mexican cartel member for carrying out the assassination on U.S. soil. The most fascinating thing about this story is not the absurdity around the plot, but the language being used to describe Arbabsiar. Normally, when you hear about terror suspects, you hear things like, “He was always really quiet and withdrawn,” or “I didn’t know him that well.” Arbabsiar’s acquaintances and friends have not been so kind. Rather than gracefully allow his actions to go down in history as yet another misguided attempt to change the political landscape, they have used this opportunity to publicly elaborate on all of his flaws, ranging from his sub-par business acumen to his romantic shortcomings. Articles about Arbabsiar read more like an unsatisfactory employee’s annual review more than they do like a profile of a killer.

“Business associates described Arbabsiar’s organizational skills as marginal.”
-NPR

“At his estranged wife’s house outside Austin, neighbors described Arbabsiar as man who could be kind of annoying.”
-NPR

“But he was also renowned for being almost comically absent-minded, perpetually losing keys, cellphones, briefcases, anything that wasn’t tied down. He failed at a succession of ventures from used cars to kebabs.”
-Washington Post

“There is a certain bewilderment in Corpus Christi that anyone as apparently hapless as Arbabsiar could get involved in an international conspiracy.”
-Washington Post

“Many of his old friends and associates in Texas seemed stunned at the news, not merely because he was not a zealot, but because he seemed too incompetent to pull it off.”
-New York Times

I can’t help but laugh as I read all of these articles and quotes about him, because if I were him, I would say, “Thank…you…for…defending me…but that’s enough…” And if I were his parents, I would slap my hand against my forehead and pine for a smarter son.

One Comment

Introspection Framed by Current Events

Published October 6, 2011 by Editor in Chief

We are possibly hiring a new employee, if she’ll have us. One of my bosses has given her my phone number and encouraged her to give me a call to learn more about the company and ask me any questions she might have about working in our environment. “Be honest,” I was instructed.
“Okay,” I agreed.

But agreeing to such a task has forced me to brainstorm potential conversations, inspired by recent events. If she called me at this very moment, this is how the conversation would go:

Her: Hi I’m ____, and ___ told me to give you a call, do you have a moment? I wanted to ask you some questions about the company.
Me: Yes hello! I’m so glad you’ve called. And I absolutely do have a moment.
Her: Well thanks!
Me: So, I suspect you are going to ask the question the late Steve Jobs presented during his Stanford graduation speech. “If I knew I was going to die tomorrow, would I want to be spending today doing what I’m doing?”
Her: Uh
Me: Well to be honest, I think that’s a frighteningly personal question, and I’m a little surprised you would ask it.
Her: I did not ask it.
Me: Right. Listen, I think it’s a great question, so don’t worry too much about that.
Her: Uh
Me: And it’s culturally relevant.
Her: Yes.
Me: So, the answer is probably no. I mean, if I knew I was going to die tomorrow, I would freak out and spend my time trying to squeeze in so much that I might explode pre-foretold-disaster.
Her: Okay.
Me: But if I had to select a small handful of activities, no, I’d probably be working on a book. I would love to write a really great story.
Her: Well what is stopping you?
Me: You are full of great questions today.
Her: Fine.
Me: I don’t know.
Her: So…would you recommend joining this company?
Me: Yeah.

Leave a Comment

Focus on your ability

Published October 1, 2011 by Editor in Chief

Gossip Girl is back. And so am I.

“Uh, I had no idea the two were related,” you think. That is very astute. Normally there would not be a connection, but Monday’s episode was so inspiring that I knew I would be doing a disservice to the internet community if I stayed silent. Specifically, there are two big revelations that I must blog about.

1) Serena Vanderwoodsen is now a production assistant. To demonstrate the chaos that accompanies such a role, she has adopted the sloppy ponytail. She makes it look chic, so I trust the sloppy ponytail is back in style. This means my sloppy ponytail is also in style. I am thrilled.

2) Foster the People’s “Houdini” is fabulous. It was on the episode, so I bought it. I like to mentally cry, “Sometimes I want to disappear!” with all the angst I’m now too old to justifiably feel, but still do. I’m so full of angst. The song also has a refrain that goes, “Focus on your ability!” Focus on your ability!” So it’s unique because the song has anguish, but it also has an inspirational message that resonates. It’s perfect.

That’s about all that is worth sharing about the season premier of Gossip Girl this past Monday. Everything else that happened on the show made me suspect that I am getting too old to watch the show. *Eyes narrow.*

Leave a Comment

Week 3.5

Published May 24, 2011 by Editor in Chief

The most humiliating thing about being married thus far has been operating David’s television equipment. Yesterday I pressed four different power buttons in a futile attempt to turn on the TV and access regular programming. I did not even aspire to the Tivo; I only wanted to watch the program that I believed would be on at my hour of clicking.

Here’s how it went:
First, I stared at the four remote controls. There are more remote controls, but I knew, in my heart, these were the correct four to be dealing with for the task at hand.
After a minute of staring, I pushed down on the Red Power button on one remote. I heard a click, indicating one of the boxes in the entertainment center had turned on, suggesting I was halfway to my desired destination. It was not clear to me which box was turned on, and the screen remained dark, but I remained optimistic. I put that control aside, because I presumed it had accomplished something important.
I carefully picked up another remote control. This one had the Tivo icon on it, so while I respected its value, I also understood that the power button on this remote may turn the Tivo off, rather than accomplish my mission, which was to turn the TV on. So, I set it down for the time being.
The next remote control was twice the size of its predecessor. The power button on this one seemed promising, so I clicked it. Then I waited with great anticipation. I leaned my ear towards the entertainment center. I expectantly moved my head towards all of the boxes, wondering whether there would be a change. Nothing happened.

I knew what I had to do. I picked up the fourth remote. I clicked Power. And…I heard something power off.

I looked around, and then decided to reach out to my man. “David…how do I turn the TV on?”
“What?!” he yelled from the office.
“I do not know how to turn on the TV!” I yelled back.
“Press the Power button!” he replied.
I glared in his direction. And remained silent. He knew what that meant. David came out of the office, picked up the remote that had done nothing at all for me, and pressed the Power button. The TV turned on. He looked at me as if to say, “Obvi.”
I looked at him sheepishly, as if to say, “This is on par with rocket science.”

Then the show I wanted to watch was a repeat, so I clicked all the Power buttons to turn the TV off.

Leave a Comment

Week One

Published May 17, 2011 by Editor in Chief

Week one of being married has been wonderful. I’ve spent 30% of my time gushing over our wedding to David, in my head, and to anyone who will listen, 20% of my time taking pictures of the honeymoon, 30% of my time eating – really letting myself go – and the remaining 20% concerned because I am out of deodorant, and for some reason, deodorant in Spain is very expensive.

Upon realizing that my deodorant barrel was at the bottom, I headed over to a pharmacy. Pharmacies here are available on every block and are easily identified by their flashing neon signs. I entered the store, approached the woman behind the counter and proceeded to simulate rubbing my underarms with deodorant. I sniffed my underarm as well, to make it clear what I sought. She nodded, thought, and went over to her cabinet, behind the counter to find deodorant to present. She returned, showing me a small stick, and wrote 9 euros on a pad of paper for me. With the conversion, that is roughly $14, so I politely shook my head in dismay, thanked her, paid for my other selections, and headed out the door. For $14, David would have to learn to love my natural musk, I decided.

Leave a Comment

Captain’s Log: Day 1

Published February 12, 2011 by Editor in Chief

Our condo, which shall henceforth be known as “the vessel,” is in complete disarray. It has occurred to me that I need to train David, who shall henceforth be known as “the crew,” in a strategic manner.

This thought first occurred to me, as most great thoughts do, while I was sitting on the latrine. I looked around, and I counted four empty toilet paper rolls. The crew’s clothes were scattered about, and the sink was so dirty that washing my hands became an exercise in dexterity, making sure the only part of the sink my body touched was the faucet. Furious, I began to clean the sink. “CREW!” I yelled out, in vain while scrubbing the sink. The crew, sensing disappointment from leadership, perhaps knew to feign deafness.

Upon completing a cursory sink cleaning, I walked over to the cafeteria, which land-folk refer to as “the kitchen.” Dirty dishes were everywhere, some with food stuck to the plates and silverware. “CREW!” I yelled out again. This time I added context, “What did I tell you about the dishes?! What the heck!?” Overwhelmed with the complexity of the question, the crew responded, “Um…”

“I’m so mad at you,” I stated.

“I’m sorry,” the crew responded, sincerely.

I sighed. Perhaps it is my fault. From this day forth, strategic training begins.

Leave a Comment

If you have a parrot, and you don't teach it to say, "Help! They've turned me into a parrot," you are wasting everybody's time.

Published January 25, 2011 by Editor in Chief

-Reddit. October 1, 2010

Blog, I hope you enjoyed the quotation from the title of this post, because I’m about to share some really upsetting news with you.

Today, I received an email from my good friend, JCrew. JCrew and I go back several years, and I’ve come to trust JCrew to provide me with many things a good friend would, such as chic coats, fun t-shirts, and fashion tips so that I may continue to maintain my self-proclaimed reputation as a fashion forward professional.

The email contained the following Subject line:
Currently craving: the Blythe blouse

With such a subject line, it’s needless to say, but necessary to type, that I was intrigued. “The Blythe blouse?!” I thought to myself, “And it’s being craved. By whom? ME. I am already craving the blouse. Let’s see it.”

I opened the email to find this:

I’ll give you a moment to look at this picture, as I did.

Are you done? Have you taken it in?

Are you as outraged as I am?

“JCrew is playing me for a fool!” I muttered to myself. The shirt is hideous. It’s so ugly, you can’t even tell the model wearing it is attractive.

How offensive. So offensive, in fact, it warranted a blog post. Be indignant with me, blog, that JCrew would attempt to pitch me such a shirt. Hmph.

Leave a Comment

A Gift for David?

Published December 8, 2010 by Editor in Chief

David I love your short curly hair
But holiday season just isn’t fair
I’m troubled thinking of a gift for you
What can I buy to show my love is true?

At the bookstore, there was a comic, saw you eye it.
I told you quickly, “Today, you must not buy it,”
You thought that was fine, you agreed you would wait,
And two days later, I saw you’d bought eight!

Then at the Mac store, you liked that Mac mini thing
And I thought, “Yay! For holidays, one of those I’ll bring,”
Then in the apartment, I noticed there was already one
“Yeah,” you shrugged, “I was seeing what Mac had now done.”

I frantically twirl my thumbs, I rack my brain,
Gift buying for you is driving me insane.
Shall it be a meal at a restaurant, somewhere we eat
Or shall it be some clothing, something unique?

Maybe dance lessons, a gift probably more for me,
Or some dessert wine, but you can’t drink with Brie
Perhaps a montage of photos from this year
Or a singing telegram who gives a stuffed reindeer.

I want to get you something thoughtful and cool
That will make you think, “My fiancee’s no fool.”
But what will it be? I have no idea quite yet
Let’s hope it’s a good purchase, not something you regret.

Leave a Comment