Skip to content →

Category: Social Life

The Difference Between Kids and Adults

The difference between kids and adults is when you are a kid, you love getting gifts.

“I got you something!” elicits all sorts of excitement. Is it a toy, is clothes, is it movie tickets? What is it?! And it’s always awesome. You like whoever got you that gift. It’s the fastest way to your heart.

When you are an adult, and someone says “I got you something,” it’s different.

As an adult, I immediately think, “Why are you trying to destroy my balanced aesthetic? I have everything I need, and the only reason I do not have everything I want is that a giant marble fountain, sculpted in my image, would look excessive in my condo.”

Leave a Comment

Guacamole

I just ate half a pound of guacamole because it was going to expire today. So yes, I’d say I have my act together.

Leave a Comment

Book Club: Origins

Our book club started innocently enough. David, Helen, Ryan and I all agreed we should read Michael Lewis’s Liar’s Poker, in light of the financial crisis. Well, David, Ryan and I agreed we should read it. Helen displayed her usual disdain for anything not related to food or pole dancing.

“You’re going to read it too, Helen,” I calmly explained in response to her protests, “because you are part of the book club.” In that moment, the moment I declared those words, our little book club was born. “Let’s gather on April 29 and discuss the book,” I said. Everyone agreed.

April 29 rolled around, and Helen and Ryan didn’t read the book. I was livid. You can’t have a book club where 50% of the club does not read the book. And there was no punishment for their actions. No penance to be paid. They simply did not read the book, and nothing happened. They didn’t even seem remorseful.

If one person does not do something, that’s one person. But when half of the group gets it wrong, there’s a systemic issue. I was to blame for the failed first meeting.

I regrouped. I took a minute. I remembered that William Shakespeare said, “Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.” As I thought very hard about the state and future of the book club, I became increasingly determined to thrust greatness upon my book club.

Through a series of steps, I knew I could mold the book club into a literary force that would inspire writers to write, non-readers to read, and the thoughtful to speak.

Here is what I did.

Step 1, I kicked Helen out of the book club. I would have kicked Ryan out too, but then it would just be David and me, and that’s not a book club. That’s a couple reading the same book.

Step 2, I bragged about my book club to friends. This was easy. I’m a natural braggart. The key here was to compel them to ask to join the book club. I can’t force someone to read a book, as Helen taught me, but I can make someone want to be part of something great. That’s what our book club was: respite from the real world, a refuge for the 24 hour news cycle that clutters the mind, a free nose-dive into literature. The conversation would typically go like this,

“Hey!”
“Hi! I have a book club meeting tonight. I’m so excited.”
“You’re in a book club?”
“Yes, it’s pretty exclusive.”
“Can I join?”
“Maybe.”
“Who runs your book club?”
“It’s very democratic. Listen, I think you can join, but you should know, we have a rule.”
“What is it?”
“At the end of every meeting, we vote someone out of the book club.”

That brings us to Step 3 on our climb to book club greatness. I instituted a rule that requires people be voted off the book club. This rule ensured that only people confident in their ability to thrive in a book club would join. The indolent need not apply.

Through these simple steps, I was able to gather 10 sharp minds around one book once every two months. The voting rule also made it possible for me to kick out any members that were holding us back. The book club flourished in 2015.

It was incredible. During one meeting: a member contacted the author of The Morels. He joined us via skype to talk about his book. We read fantasy, science fiction, non-fiction, mystery, British literature, and works from the canon. We laughed over plot twists. We argued over writing style. We challenged gender bias. We grappled with perspective. By day, we were project managers, developers, architects. By night, once every two months, we were reading wizards, casting a spell of discourse through the room that enchanted the mind.

Admittedly, not everything was perfect during these times. Voting a member off after every meeting did have a dark side. Because there were no guidelines around why a person was voted off, new members occasionally presented desperate comments. One time, Drew revealed he didn’t know a character was paralyzed throughout the book. I wanted to paralyze him! How could he make such a gaffe in our book club that would force us to vote him off?! I liked Drew as a person, but as a book club member, he just couldn’t cut it. Another time, Jennie listened to the audio book. Also, I accidently left Alex off of a scheduling email. I couldn’t reveal my administrative blunder, so I just acted as though Alex had been voted off of the book club. This trick was easy to pull off, because I was the only one to count the votes.

And I wasn’t really counting. I was just kicking members out as I saw fit. I couldn’t trust the group to make the right decisions. Trusting people had steered me wrong in the early book club days; I wasn’t going to make that mistake again.

In 2016, I’ve decided to further improve the book club. It was time to send members constructive feedback. Everybody loves feedback.

Leave a Comment

My Husband on Improv – Episode 1

Husband: What are we doing this week?
Me: We are going to Jacob’s improv show on Tuesday night.
Husband: What.
Me: It was your idea. You said, “We should go to one of your shows!” And he said, “It’s Tuesday!” and you said, “We should go!”
Husband: I did not know we were volunteering to see an improv show. If I knew it was an improv show, I would not have said that.

Leave a Comment

Christmas Eve Recap

Last night for Christmas Eve we went over to my sister’s home. We had baked brie as an appetizer. During appetizer time, Ci-Ci showed us her BB8. As BB8 raced around the room, I waited with baited breath to see whether her BB8 was as dim-witted as ours. Much like I imagine a real parent concerned with their child’s developmental progress would feel, I hoped that if Ci-Ci’s BB8 was smarter than ours, she could give me the remedy for making our BB8 <i>better</i>.

All hope for improvement was cast aside when her BB8 came to a pause, did a slow 180 degree turn, and then glided at full speed toward the staircase, flinging itself down the basement steps, losing its head mid-flight down the stairs. While Ci-Ci looked for BB8’s now-missing head, I thought about the importance of appreciating what I do have. Our BB8 might spend all one hour of its charge stuck in a corner, but at least it isn’t suicidal. I suppose appreciating the blessings you do have is what Christmas is all about.

For dinner we had beef tenderloin, potatoes, mushrooms, crab, asparagus and shrimp. While my sister did the dishes, my dad recommended we watch a 45 minute BBC special on Tajikistan and the celebration of Yalda, entirely in Farsi. Even though David and Ci-Ci don’t speak any Farsi, they made it their own by commenting on the host’s fashionable style and the Middle Eastern musical instruments. After that, it was time for dessert, this year with gluten-free options. Fortunately, all the dessert was still delicious, as gluten-free was a culinary challenge that my mother overcame with months of trial and error.

After dessert, we opened our Costco gifts. Costco gifts are not presents from Costco, carefully selected with the recipient in mind. Costco gifts are pre-wrapped chotzky’s. Each person gets one, and when you open it, there’s an exciting pop and a gift tumbles out. Prospective gifts include a fancy bookmark, a money clip, a mini-flashlight, a pen, dice, and a paperweight. I got the paperweight last year, so I was elated this year to get the pen, what I deemed the best gift in the batch. Within the wrapping there is also a gold crown, made of paper, a corny joke, and a charade recommendation. We all put on our crowns and went around the table telling the jokes. When it was my turn, I opted to tell a joke my dad had shared with me last week, rather than the one written on the paper. After I delivered the punchline, no one laughed, and my dad said I delivered it wrong and re-told it. No one laughed, and my dad explained that it’s not a joke, but rather, a cautionary tale. Then we played charades.

Our family banned conventional gifts many years ago. It was my idea: I explained the practice was too much for my mother, who was always in search of the perfect gifts for everyone, resulting in a series of stressful shopping weeks for her. But really the practice was too much for me. Upon receiving a velour jump suit from my mother in 2001, which was so far from the perfect that even the thought of pretending to love it was deeply distressful, I vowed to end the spirit of Christmas giving for everyone I love.

After charades we gathered around to leave. I was the last to exit her home, and my sister handed me a box of Toblerones with 5 sticks in it. She instructed me to distribute the boxes amongst the family. I kept them all for myself, because I love Toblerones. Merry Christmas!

Leave a Comment

Rules of Book Club

The first rule of Book Club is: You talk about Book Club. You read; you are elite. People can’t see that by just looking at you, so you have to tell them. Drop it casually in conversation.

For example:

Not-in-book-club Person: I have gotten so many dates from OkCupid.
You: I am reading my book for book club.

The second rule of Book Club is: You talk about book club. People want what they cannot have, and what they cannot have is membership into book club. The only way to make them aware of this staggering hole in their lives is to flaunt your membership.

Third rule of Book Club: Someone makes an observation, shares a supporting passage, cites a third party source, the debate is over.

Fourth rule: Only 8 people to a meeting.

Fifth rule: One comment at a time, people.

Sixth rule: No shoes.

Seventh rule: Discussions will continue as long as the book has compelling topics.

Eighth and final rule: If this is your first book at Book Club, you have to impress everyone so that you are not voted off.

Leave a Comment

There’s a Little Betty Draper in All of Us

Even though the show Mad Men has come to an end, the characters from the show have formed a lasting memory that will forever shape how we traipse through through our professional and personal lives.

When I originally watched the show, I found myself identifying with Peggy, the focused secretary who went on to become a titan of industry. Two weeks ago, however, I was in Italy with my husband, and I found myself impressed by the number of striking similarities there were between me and Betty Draper, the mother of Don Draper’s three children.

Betty Draper in Italy

So without further ado, here are the amazing things I have in common with Betty Draper:

1) Betty Draper speaks fluent Italian.
I eat Italian food.

2) Betty Draper has three children.
I am one of three children.

3) Betty Draper wears lipstick.
I bought lipstick.

4) Betty Draper is emotionally unavailable.
I am unavailable when I am on the phone with another person.

There you have it. It is as though we are one and the same.

Leave a Comment

A Display of Bravery

The other day, Laura said to me, “I’ve noticed you wear tights a lot, as pants.”

I said, “Yes,” because she was correct. Thick tights, a long shirt, and boots or flats are a staple in my wardrobe.

She continued, “You’re so brave.”

I nodded, “It’s the bravest thing I do.”

And then, as I held back a tear, I whispered, “I’m so glad someone finally noticed.”

Here are some other brave things I do:

  • Cancel my gym membership by waiting for my credit card to expire and neglecting to provide the gym my updated credit card information.
  • Use the internet.
  • Tip baristas, even when my coffee tastes terrible, because that could have been me, making terrible coffee. Fate just dealt me a different, better hand.
  • RSVP early and often to party invitations.
  • Selectively “like” untagged photos on Facebook, so the user knows I took the time to go through their album of photos one-by-one.
  • Eat multivitamins, once in while.
  • Tell people I’m “on the way and traffic is looking bad” when I am standing in front of my closet, debating polyester or wool.
  • Take public transportation.
  • Slay ennui by writing comedy sketches and demanding everyone read them and give me feedback, but probably not take the feedback, because Picasso didn’t accept feedback either, maybe.
  • Hoard, because you never know when you’ll need something again.
  • Host a book club.

Gosh, that list was really easy to write.

Brave-Tights

Leave a Comment