Category: Social Life

Blog, I just ate the most delicious sandwich.  It had sour cream, tomato, pepper jack, brie, pastrami, all bunched between a fresh challah dinner roll.  Encroyable.

I knew, even before I took my first bite, that it would be a delicious sandwich.

While I was gathering the materials for the sandwich, I suspected I was going to be making a good sandwich.  But as the pieces started to come together, it became progressively more apparent to me what a treat I was creating for myself.  Soon, my suspicions turned to absolute awareness.  The first bite affirmed all of my previous thoughts.

I realized that everything in my life had been leading up to this moment, with this sandwich, in my hands.

GLORY! I thought, as I chewed the second bite.

I LOVE CHEESE! I mentally declared diving into the third bite.

Tomato. A wise decision.  I congratulated myself on bite number four.

Now. The sandwich is gone.
I don’t really know what to do.

Blog, we are in troubling times. There is a worldwide recession, the Middle East is a wreck, and my boyfriend doesn’t check you. Ever. But don’t worry blog, there’s hope. The market was inching up today, the Middle East might get better, and Leonardo DiCaprio has declared he’s looking to settle down, so Leo, if you’re reading this, you have a chance with this gal here!

I jest. Leo, even if you’re reading this, I’m not interested. (But really, if you are reading this, I am absolutely interested. You were great in The Departed. And Growing Pains, starring Alan Thicke. Show me that smile again, Leo!)

In all seriousness blog, yesterday I realized that my boyfriend _not_ reading this blog was entirely my fault. I haven’t been marketing it to him adequately. Thus, I am launching an ad campaign, blog. I should have done so earlier. In today’s consumer society, I need much more than sass, feisty rhetoric, and guilt to keep ’em coming back for more. I need to brand; I need to market; I need to really sell how important it is that he reads this blog.

It will be a three pronged attack. First, I will use advertisements. See here. These ads will appear online to him.

Second, I will appeal to emotion through literary references. Here’s what I’ll say, “Do you remember that book you read, the History of Love? Do you remember that part where the young character writes his first story? Then he runs to the girl he loves and asks her to read it. And then, then he says that he waits. He waits for the only person whose opinion matters to read it to tell him what she thinks.” I’ll pause thoughtfully and then ask, “Now do you see why I want you to read my blog?”

He’ll respond, “Yes, I remember that part. Oh my gosh. I’m sorry. I didn’t know it meant so much to you. I didn’t know my opinion matters so much to you.” Then he will gaze at me, just as thoughtfully as I am gazing at him, and he will say, “Maybe, maybe you should be a little more self confident.”

I’ll feign outrage. “THAT IS SO INSENSITIVE!”

He will roll his eyes.

I will roll my eyes.

We will laugh. I will move on to prong three.

Prong three is a group effort. I’ll have mutual friends bring it up in conversation. “Hey man, I hear you’re not reading the blog, is everything okay?” “Hey man, what’s this about not reading the blog? What’s up with that?” “Dude, did you see those awesome ads? How could you not read the blog?”

The questions will eventually degenerate from being just being annoying to becoming downright intellectually offensive. “Hey man, I heard you don’t know how to read. Is that true?” “Are you having trouble using the internet? Do you not know how bookmarks work?” When it gets to this point, I am confident he will read you, blog. I WILL HAVE MY WAY!

Bye for now blog! (Bye Leo;)

Shana tova, blog! When the sun sets today, it will be Rosh Hashanah, and I will begin to engage in intense introspection, not because I’m Jewish, but because I welcome any excuse to engage in intense introspection.

I will hear the sounding of the shofar! I will eat a festive meal! I will probably not spend all day in prayer, because I’m not actually Jewish. Blog, I just like to pick and choose which parts of different religions I like best. One religion I believe I should be more involved in is Hinduism. I read,

“It has been said that Hindus have a holiday for every day of the year, but even that may be an understatement! Exactly how many Hindu festivals are celebrated is not known, but one scholar of Hinduism has listed more than a thousand different Hindu festivals.”

More than a thousand, blog! Christianity has it all wrong.

In other news, blog, it’s Monday, and that means it’s a new week in which things can go terrifically right! There’s so much potential for wonderful things to happen this week!

And now for a little dose of my usual shenanigans. I was showing a gentleman from my office how to get to a building. I pointed in the distance and asked, “Do you see the Chipotle over there?” But I said it in a non-question tone, so that it sounded rhetorical. So it sounded more like I was saying, “You see the Chipotle over there, right? That will be the frame of reference.”

And the gentleman nodded, “Yes.”

And I replied, “Really, you see it? I don’t really see it.” And my implied tone there was, “LIAR! Ha! You are a liar, and I have caught you in your web of lies. You don’t see the Chipotle! No one does! It is hidden by trees!”

He said, admittedly, “Well, no I don’t really see the Chipotle.” And then he paused and said, “Oh wait, yes I do! Behind those trees!”

I said, “Yes! Great!” What I meant by this was, “You see, honesty has made this little encounter more productive.” Then, after the “Great!” I said, “So over to the left, that giant visible building, that’s the building you want to go to.”

He confirmed what I had suspected all along. Sometimes, people say they see or understand something, but that is not always necessarily the case. It’s good to take a step back and make sure you are on the same page. Blog, I’m just a wealth of social knowledge.

Now on a more personal note, blog. I totally love the outfit I’m wearing today. I love it so much, I want to wear it tomorrow. Unfortunately that’s not really appropriate.

Blog, terrible news, we have to move on to PLAN C.

Plan A was to run in the upcoming 10 miler. I did all I could to execute on plan A: I bought shoes, I thought about running, I felt guilty for not running, the list of my efforts goes on. There’s no need to inundate you with all of my efforts, blog. You have better things to do.

So, anyway, I then changed Plan A, _run_ in the 10 miler, to Plan B, _run/walk/mostly walk_ in the 10 miler. I thought this was more realistic. I would power-walk my way through this ridiculous goal. That way, I will have completed the race, been able to wear my race t-shirt proudly, and been able to participate in conversations about how accomplished I felt for taking part in a 10 mile race.

After trying to run during my lunch break the other day, it occurred to me that I might incur some great physical damage if I actually try to power walk ten miles. Which brings us to Plan C. I will start the race with the awful friends who pressured me, an innocent, unsuspecting, unassuming young woman, into originally signing up. We will run lightly together for the first quarter of a mile, and then I will tell them I’ll catch up, and they should go on. Then, I will go for as long as I can until the safety bus comes around and picks me and the other stragglers up. This is Plan C. I feel if I do Plan C, I can still wear the race t-shirt.

In other news blog, I want to wear overalls. I want to wear overalls so badly, but they’re terrifically out of style. Additionally, because neither housework, nor painting, nor garden work are on my agenda today, there is no purpose to justify my wearing of overalls. It’s really unfortunate, because overalls are very comfortable and can be figure flattering if donned with the appropriate shirt.

Dear Blog,
 
I AM SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW!!!!
 
I bought the Mama Mia! soundtrack, and it’s so good – SO GOOD!  It makes me want to belt out all of my deepest feelings about lost and future love in song.  I saw the movie, so I also want to take over a small island and run around wearing light-colored, loose-fitting clothing that emphasizes my wonderful tan and joie de vivre,  due in large part to the fact that I live on an island and sing all day. 
 
Blog, you know what’s even more awesome?  The cd comes with lyrics! So, I can sing along correctly. Sometimes I do not. Sometimes I mumble and stumble through lyrics I don’t know, and that is embarrassing. Have you heard of the National Anthem? “Oh say can you seeeee? By the dawn’s early light/night? What so proudly we mmmmmmmmmm, mmmmmm by the twilight’s mmmmmm mmmmmmm.” 

I know I’m not alone in this.  Other people aren’t singing the words either.
 
The best song on the album is Lay All Your Love On Me.  It’s a duet.  “Don’t go wasting your emotion, lay all your love on me!”  It’s so sweet, romantic, and upbeat. 

In other news blog, I got my first pedicure today.  It was thrilling, and now I am hesitant to wear close-toed shoes, lest I deny the world the sight of my refined toenails.  My feet look divine blog, divine.

Goodnight!

I have just completed my picks for a 2008 NCAA bracket.

As you may not know, dear blog, I don’t really follow sports, so it would take a considerable amount of arm twisting to get this gal to take an active interest in a professional, physical team activity. It would take only the cleverest of tongues to convince me to participate in a gambling venture related to the movement of a leather ball. “Indoctrinaire extraordinaire” is how I would describe the verbal virtuoso who could talk me into caring about basketball.

Actually, this is how the conversation went:

Indoctrinaire Extraordinaire: Are you entering picks for a bracket? Everyone else is.

Me: Everyone, eh? Absolutely, I am.

Indoctrinaire: I didn’t know you were into basketball.

Me: What? It’s basketball season?

Indoctriniare: Haha, you’re so funny.

Me: Right. I’m such a kidder.

And so it was said, and so it was done – I have joined a NCAA bracket! 

I’m not entirely clear on how the teams are divided up – there’s an East, Midwest, South, and West division, so at first I thought, “I see, Northerner’s do not play basketball. They are too busy…playing hockey?” But then I saw Connecticut and Michigan were on there. However, they’re in the West and South divisions respectively, so my new conclusion is that the people in charge of the NCAA have limited access to maps with compass roses. Or they’re working on a grander scale. So they’re thinking, “Technically Connecticut is West of the United Kingdom, our blessed mother country – God save the Queen.”

Joining this basketball bracket has opened up all sorts of doors I didn’t know existed before. For example, now that I am heavily invested in my teams’s victories, I have social plans to watch these games almost every night! I have added phrases to my daily discourse that would have never been present before, such as, “Well, I can do that, as long as I’m home in time for the game.” It’s important to remain ambiguous about which game – that is key.

I will even be able to throw in sentiment because they’re college teams! I can say things like, “This one is kind of personal for me, because I almost went to that school,” even if I really mean, “I think I saw a booth for that school at a college fair once.”

“I have four facebook friends who went there” will transform into “I know a lot of people who went there, so the game tonight will be intense.”

In other news, blog, the weather has slightly warmed up, so I think I’m going to wear flip flops this evening. If anyone challenges how appropriate flip flops are for today’s temperature, I can say, “Look, I’m not going to be out long anyway, I have to be home in time for the game.”

Forgive me blog, for I have sinned. It has been over 24 hours since my last entry.

I was reviewing Princeton’s graduate admissions page and saw this clever quip on the side: