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Month: June 2019

Week 29

Published June 28, 2019 by Editor in Chief

I did not pass that gestational diabetes test. I got a 150, and the number they’re looking for is under 130. 190 means you definitely have it, and I didn’t get 190, so I’m back at the doctor’s office for the next round of gestational diabetes testing. My vision is super blurry after drinking that ridiculous concoction, so I’m guessing my body is not processing sugars the way it’s supposed to.

This is a setback, because I’ve been worried this entire pregnancy (such is my way), and now I have something concrete to worry about.

Anyway, I’m sitting at the doctor’s office, waiting for my third blood draw of the morning. The first draw was a baseline draw, the second was done an hour after drinking a stronger fluid.

When I came in, there was another woman in the room who is also doing the three hour test and waiting for her blood draws. Her partner/husband was in the room, and they said they needed the other chair for a patient, so he got up to leave. They told me I could change the channel if I wanted to. The TV was tuned to CSPAN, so I said that was fine. I was interested in their coverage of last night’s debate. The people who host this show are saints, because the people who call in are nuts. For some reason a bunch of Republicans called to weigh in on their opinions on the best Democrat. Then when asked if they would vote for any one other than Trump, they said No, absolutely not. One person claimed he was a Democrat for the past 50 years, and then he started talking about how gays are ruining the sanctity of marriage, so he’s registering as a Republican. One guy called in and complained that he was always being blocked, because he’s a Republican. I don’t understand who these people that call in are. Are they real people?

Anyway, the pregnant woman I’m sharing the room with asked to change the channel at some point. I handed her the remote, and she chose the Home Shopping Network. She was about to leave the room to get her blood drawn and I think I gave her a look and she went and sat back down and picked a different channel.

She has now chosen Nickolodeon and is watching what appears to be Paw Patrol. So _we_ are watching Paw Patrol.

She is an adult – l’m guessing early 30s or late 20s at best.

I might have to share a room during the actual delivery too…and normally I’m the one in the relationship to be more assertive, but if this happens during that time I’m going to need David to step up. I won’t have the energy to tactfully tell someoone about to go into labor they have bizarre taste in television programming.

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Week 28

Published June 21, 2019 by Editor in Chief

We went to an infant CPR class. In the class they show you a video of a baby who has stopped breathing, and then in the dramatic re-enactment they switch to a doll so they can go through the steps. We are watching this in class, and I just start crying I’m so upset the plastic baby has “stopped breathing” in the video. I’m trying to hide the crying, but David looks over and sees the tears streaming down my cheeks, and he mouths, “PULL IT TOGETHER. IT’S A VIDEO.” I’m fully aware of how ridiculous this all is, so I shift to trying to stifle my laughter through tears, because I can’t let the class think I’m _laughing_ at a baby not breathing, and David bit on his fist to avoid laughing as well. Of course I’m sitting near the front of class, so most people don’t notice. The instructor probably thought I was insane.

Anyway, this was not good, because I had been telling David that I’ve been sad and he hasn’t been emotionally meeting my needs, and he just shrugged it off and told me to stop reading about tragedies in the news, but after this class incident he was like, “Clearly your hormones are completely out of control.” It’s like he was vindicated in ignoring my demands for more attention!

On Friday (6/21) I had my gestational diabetes test – they make you drink a glucose liquid and then take your blood. I’ve been worried about having this condition and diabtees in general, because I don’t always make good food choices, and I pretty much stopped exercising as soon as I got pregnant.

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Week 27

Published June 14, 2019 by Editor in Chief

David says he’s doing fine. Yesterday I came home and found him eating from three different bags of shredded cheese and drinking a bottle of wine. So I don’t know for sure. He said he was fine, but he had cheese shreds all over his beard when he said it.

Then I looked at the calcium content on one of the cheese bags, and I learned yesterday I probably was not getting enough calcium, so I also ate a huge chunk of shredded cheese.

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I’m a Snoring Person Now

Published June 10, 2019 by Editor in Chief

Hello! We are at the top of Week 27, and I learned only this morning that I have been snoring for the past three months!

I have had quite a bit more mucus in the mornings, so I assume this is related. Also I don’t know if I’ve mentioned, but I can’t really see my legs anymore. Yesterday I saw through a mirrored reflection that a modest forest had sprouted on my legs. And I’ve been wearing dresses for weeks! I wonder who saw me and thought, “Brave feminist.” Anyway, how upsetting that I am no longer the picture of femininity that I once was.

This weekend we looked at strollers, and the selection was a bit overwhelming. The strollers looked nothing like the kinds I had as a kid. And they were expensive.

Also we walked around our condo and tried to figure out what to do. We concluded nothing.

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Presumptious Clothing

Published June 6, 2019 by Editor in Chief

I bought some pregnany underwear: underwear that should be comfortable and can cover my changing body and also give my belly lots of space. The colors I selected are neutral (tan, gray, white). The material is cotton and some spandex, presumably so they stay up. The size is large, because that’s what I need.

Anyway, the underwear arrived yesterday! And the wash instructions were like “Hand wash. Do not put in dryer.” And then some ADDITIONAL INSTRUCTIONS, but I stopped reading. I will absolutely be putting this stuff into the washing machine under regular cycle and then into the dryer. I don’t know who this underwear thinks it is…but it is not getting hand wash treatment. It was also marketed to me as great for pregnant bellies, so what pregnant woman is acquiring high maintenance under garments?

In other news, I still have a cold. But I am hoping it’s getting better. I can’t say for sure though.

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Week 26

Published June 5, 2019 by Editor in Chief

This week we have a cold! Well I have a cold. The good news is she doesn’t have a cold and is protected by the placenta.

The cold has been quite the nuisance. It started with a scratchy throat Sunday morning, and every night starting at 2am I wake up every hour with a parched mouth – because I can’t breathe through my nose – and a need to pee. When we were abroad I got up at 8am every morning, so I wonder if this is half cold and half poor jet lag recovery. She’s generally moving by the time I get back to bed, which is nice!
I want to know how she’s moving though. Is she moving her feet, is she turning around, is stretching? I have no idea – I just feel something like bubbles in the belly.

David has been busy with work and his Japanese studies, but I know he’s still around because right after I finish doing the dishes new ones appear. *drum beat and cymbals* Thank you, thank you.

Social media ads have done a great job targeting me during this time. I get a lot of ads for pregnancy fitness apps and pregnancy clothes. Today when I was feeling bummed I even got an add for pregnancy meditation, to make me feel happier. This is remarkable because I am pretty certain I did not google or write anything on email or text that would have triggered this compelling, related advertisement. Did I download the app? No, absolutely not. The last thing I need is to be alone with my thoughts for five minutes a day.

Yesterday I was talking to a talented cast member in my comedy troupe who hasn’t written anything in a while. I shared that I thought pregnancy would help me write fun new material, but really I’m just too sad to write. “I feel the same way,” he shared.
He’s not pregnant, so I tried to dig to find out what was affecting his comedy juices. “There’s a lot going on,” I said.
“There’s so much going on!” he replied.
“Do you read the news,” I asked. “There’s something every day that’s upsetting. It’s hard to laugh anymore.”
“No,” he replied, earnestly, “But I hear about it from other people, and it’s rough out there.”

This answer was FASCINATING. I didn’t even really know how to reply. What did he mean he hears about it from other people? And how long do you listen to other people talk about the news and get upset before you start doing your own reading? And who is sharing the information with him? I had so many questions! I didn’t want to pry though, because I thought it might sound judgmental. I have the luxury of affording subscriptions to publications that can invest in journalism, but that’s not the case for everyone. And there are lots of free news sources on the internet, but some of their motivations can be suspect, and sometimes opinion pieces masquerade as reporting on sites of ill-repute.

Speaking of upsetting news, I want to use a re-usable water bottle I received at the Women in Comedy festival, to do my part for the environment. But it’s not dishwasher safe, so I don’t understand …how…I’m supposed…to wash it. Not my finest hour, given I grew up in a house that used the dishwasher for clean towel storage. I’m going to dig deep into the memory archives.

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