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Month: December 2009

Flying into the New Year

Published December 26, 2009 by Editor in Chief

I just saw the best in-flight safety video. I laughed, I retained the information, and I feel a little bit safer on the flight because I am confident about my awareness of the exits, the flotation devices, and air masks. It was a phenomenal video. I’m flying Virgin America, and this post is brought to you courtesy of google, who is providing in-flight wireless services for free! So if you happen to be flying Virgin America this season, you have a lot to look forward to.

In other news, David is sleeping soundly. Well, wait, maybe not, let me check by staring at him and monitoring his breathing, maybe touching him gently to see if he stirs; perhaps a subtle shake too, to be sure.

Okay, yes, I’ve confirmed it: David was sleeping soundly. We bring you only the facts, here at imawkward.com.

And now, I bring you my favorite email exchange for the year: it is an email exchange between me and the study abroad director, Sarah, in regards to a mandatory orientation session. Note: I do not know Sarah well, and the email exchange is legit.

—————

Sarah I’m sorry -I should have sent this email to you much, much sooner. I realize this session is MANDATORY. Is there any contingency plan for people who cannot make it? Any kind of reading they could pick up? Any kind of begging they can do to get
the information?

-Me

————

Hi [My Name],

Not really. You can pick up your materials next week and then make an appointment Kristen Erics separately.

I have to ask if this is a really important reason, because you definitely won’t get the same information by doing the above.

Sarah

————

Hi Sarah,

Yes, it is very important. – my friends are getting married (my boyfriend is best man), and it’s a morning wedding, so I should make it in time, but I was worried it would go over-time. Because they are such good friends, I wouldn’t feel great sneaking out early. Most importantly, the groom has instructed the bride to throw the bouquet to me, and if I’m not there to catch it, I may never get married.

-Me

——–

Just come when you can. It you can make it by 4 or so, that would be
fine. Just go straight to your meeting room.

Sarah
______

Thank you for understanding.

One Comment

How to Read Life Lines on Palms

Published December 14, 2009 by Editor in Chief

Hello Loyal Readers!

The holiday season is upon us, which means we have many a holiday party to attend, and many a conversation to have. And what better gift can I give you than an outstanding conversation piece? That was a rhetorical question, of course. Conversation pieces are the best gift ever.

Drumroll please: I give you…. the knowledge necessary to read palms. That’s right – after viewing this video, you will be able to read the life lines on palms. So, if you are standing around, chatting with people, and silence ensues, you may politely say, “Oh! You know, I recently learned a little about palm reading. May I?” and then reach for someone’s left hand.

Now, conventionally, you would only view the how-to video. Maybe you would retain the information, but you probably wouldn’t.

What I am about to give you is more than just an instructive video. This video is INTERACTIVE!

What does that mean? Duh! It means that you will learn more from the video the first time around because it forces you to prove you are paying attention and keeps you engaged.

You’re welcome.

Let me know your thoughts, and of course, Merry Happy!


*Source video courtesy of: http://www.wonderhowto.com/how-to/video/how-to-read-life-lines-on-palms-207682/

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Not So Smooth Criminal

Published December 11, 2009 by Editor in Chief

I had some overdue library books, again. This time however, two books were overdue 10 days. I know what you’re thinking: you can’t even look at me right now.

I never rebelled as a teenager you see, so now, in adulthood, I compensate by challenging the limits in strange ways.

Actually, that’s not true. There are more forces at play here.

See, back in the day librarians would stamp the back of library books with a due date, so you knew exactly when the book was due because it was on the book. Now, they give you a slip of paper, like a receipt, for all of your books checked out. Naturally I use these slips of paper as book marks, note papers, coasters, and pretty much anything but reminders of due dates. These easy-to-lose slips of paper are all part of a sinister library plot to encourage more overdue books to collect money from patrons. It’s an elaborate racket. You heard it here first.

Anyway, on Tuesday, I got a call from my mother, while I was at work.

She sounded worried.

Mom: Sweetheart, are you…okay?

Me: Yes…Mom what’s wrong?

Mom: The library called.

Me: Oh what did they say?

Mom: (ashamed) They said you had books checked out that were 10 days overdue.

Me: OH! Right, I do. I was still using them for school and had forgotten they were due Mom. I’ll return them soon.

Mom: This isn’t like you. Are you sure you’re okay?

Me: Yes! The books are ready to be returned, they’re in my car.

Mom: Okay, well do you need the library’s phone number to contact them?

Me: No.

Mom: They left their phone number.

Me: I already have the library phone number stored on my speed dial.

Mom: Okay.

That night, I got home, and my father was waiting for me.

Dad: I heard about what happened. Did you return the library books?

Me: I didn’t make it in time today Dad. I’ll return them first thing tomorrow.

Dad: The message on the answering machine sounded very upset. The lady who left the message repeated the situation THREE times. I imagine they are very disappointed…since you didn’t return them today, you should also email them an apology note. Explain that you were using the books for school and you lost track of the due date.

Me: Dad it’s an automated message. It wasn’t a real person; it was on auto-repeat.

Dad: Oh, an automated message!?

Me: Yes, it’s a computer system sending out these calls.

Dad: That is fascinating! I still think you owe the library an apology.

Me: I’ll pay the fine and apologize.

Wednesday

(Library)

Me: I’m here to return these overdue books, pay a fine, and apologize.

Librarian: Okay, let’s see here. You owe $6.45.

Me: Here is $10.45.

Librarian: Great, let me get your change.

Me: I’m really sorry about these overdue books. It was irresponsible of me.

Librarian: (shrugs) It’s okay….it happens all the time.

Me: I assure you my parents didn’t raise me this way.

Librarian: (nods) (Did she not believe me?)

Me: Sorry again… Have a good day!

2 Comments

A Compelling Music Video

Published December 4, 2009 by Editor in Chief

Hey! Sorry I’ve been MIA for a week.

This is an animoto video I made for David. What do you think? Isn’t it beautiful? And it’s totally not creepy.

Connor, I was thinking I would make one for you too. It will be to the tune of “Hate is Strong Word, but I Really, Really, Really Don’t Like You” by the Plain White Tees.

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