Hiyo!
Blog, I’m back, but not for long. I’ve been away on work travels recently, and who knows when I will be shipped out again. Sure, I know, but who else knows? My boss probably knows. That was a silly question to throw out there, wasn’t it? Yes. Yes it was.
Blog, I’ve taken to a new form of engaging in discussion. I now ask questions, and then, then what do I do? I answer them. Is this form of rhetoric effective? Absolutely not. It is annoying, and would even I like talking to someone who spoke in questions? Probably not. But I’m doing it nonetheless, blog. Why? Because it’s time to stir things up. It’s time for change.
What else have I been up to? Well, I’ve been to the movies! I’ve also purchased some music! I own the new Coldplay album and the new Fratellis album. Do either of them live up to their predeccesors? No. I will keep listening to them, however, and may eventually grow to love the two albums.
I’ve also been reading I Love You, Beth Cooper, which is a book about an awkward series of events that unfold after a high school valedictorian professes his love for the head cheerleader during his speech. He also tells off all sorts of other class characters. The book is entertaining. Do I identify with the nerdy protagonist? No! Ha! I was cool in high school, duh.
Whoops, I told you I’ve been to the movies two paragraphs ago, but I didn’t elaborate on the movies! Wasn’t that thoughtless of me? Yes, yes it was. I’ve seen Get Smart (great!) and The Incredible Hulk (okay.). I want to see Wanted, and I’ve just checked out rottentomatoes.com to see what the critics have to say. I kind of hate that site because the critics make me feel dumb. Take, for example, this review of Wanted by Sean McBride:
If you’re one of those summer movie fanatics, the kind of person who values non-stop action and cutting-edge special effects to the exclusion of character and story, then the new movie “Wanted” is certainly the film you want to see
Let’s do an instant replay of how I read this:
Review: If you’re one of those summer movie fanatics…
Me: I LOVE SUMMER MOVIES! ME! Sean is talking to me!
Review: …the kind of person who values non-stop action
Me: ACTION!
Review: and cutting-edge special effects
Me: WHO DOESN’T!? SOUNDS LIKE AN AWESOME MOVIE!
Review: to the exclusion of character and story
Me: What?
Review: …then the new movie “Wanted” is certainly the film you want to see
Me: Huh? So you’re saying…it’s …not…good?
I find this kind of rhetoric confusing and condescending. How would people feel if that’s how I answered questions?
Question: How is the weather?
Me: If you’re the kind of person who enjoys warm air and suffocating humidity, this weather is for you.
Question: How was the meal?
Me: If you’re kind of person who likes spicy food, a dash of originality, fresh ingrediants, and high prices, this restaurant would suit you well.
I realize the answers are informative and thorough, but there are ways to inform your audience without defining them. For example:
Question: How was the movie?
Me: The movie had a lot of action scenes, but the plot and characters were poorly defined. I did not like it, because I like plot and character development. That’s just the kind of person I am. Maybe your needs are not as complex as mine. Maybe you lack my depth of appreciation for cinema productions. Maybe you didn’t major in media studies, like I did, with a minor in art history. You probably lack my sophistication and refined movie taste.
Hmm. Is it possible that answering questions is not as easy as I first thought? Yes it is possible! Go forth, sassy rottentomatoes critics. Proceed with your passive ways.
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